If you work in a store or restaurant and do credit or debit card transactions, please don't bend my card to shit when swiping it. I really hate having to go to the bank and get a new one. Take it easy.

Oh and the little chip in my Visa means I enter a PIN number and don't need to sign the receipt anymore.

If you were to say “it goes without saying”, then don’t fucking say it.

I really hate people who leave me a really long voicemail, then e-mail me the same information, then call me and tell me the same information AND then come see me at my desk and come tell me the same information. Seriously, it's a huge waste of fucking time.

Speaking of voicemails, it's not an interactive thing, so don't go on about stuff that requires my responses trying to guess what I would say. If you're going to do that, just answer your own fucking question and leave me alone. All you need to do is say "Hey call me back regarding this". I don't care what time it is, I have fucking time stamp on my voicemail. And don't leave me a voicemail AND an e-mail. Do one or the other. If I haven't replied yet, I'm too fucking busy to answer or you're just a dumb ass and not worth my time and energy.

Also, your voicemail message is probably too long. Yes, yours. It's too long and it's annoying. Just say "Hi, it's , leave a message". I don't give a fuck about some long song, I know I have to leave you my name and shit, and you don't need the time of my call because this is 2009 and the fucking voicemail message system will goddamn tell you what time I called. Seriously.

In the department of the least shocking news ever, Jon and Kate have announced that they are seperating, (but of course continuing their high paying TV show).

So anyways, I came up with a few names for the show now:

Jon and Kate seper8

John and Kate altern8

Kate Plus 8 minus Jon

and my favourite: Kate plus 8 and Jon every second weekend

So forget about a 'Team Jon' or a 'Team Kate' t-shirt, I'm getting a 'Team Plus 8' shirt because those kids are gonna be fucked.

Don't play with the big boys if you can't hold the ball.

I'm trying to write a novel. I know, it's a huge undertaking and I'm not sure I'm good enough a writer to pull it off, nor do I know if I have the motivation or ideas to see a novel from beginning to end. In fact, I wrote 2 pages like a year ago and only now added one or two more. The thing is, it was really easy to get back into the story, which is what gives me hope that I may actually be able to do this.

I'm not even thinking of being published or anything like that, I have way too long of a road to go before even considering that a possibility.

Some tattoo artists just make me laugh. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the fact that it’s a cool job and it’s probably not easy. You have to be artistic, have steady hands, pay careful attention to details and all that stuff, but honestly some of these tattoo artists really think they are more important than they really are. A tattoo is a not a crucial thing to get, so stop acting like you’re surgeon and you’re saving lives. The $10 caricature guy at the circus is very artistic too but he doesn’t act like a pompous asshole.

This reminds me of tow truck drivers. Yes, I’m glad you’re there to pull my car out of the ditch and I’m glad you’re there when I get a flat. But in the end I am paying you to do shit I don’t feel like doing myself. There’s no need to trick out your little tow truck and think you’re King Shit.

And lastly: cab drivers. Hang an air freshener in your car, take a shower and learn how to fucking drive. Nobody likes you.

The elaborate ways people try to justify their own stupidity amuses me to no end.

So the Penguins win the Stanley Cup. Meh, whatever.

The only thing that makes me laugh is Marian Hossa. You see, Marian Hossa last year was with the Penguins and made it all the way to the Stanley Cup finals where they lost to... The Detroit Red Wings. So in the off season, Marian being a free agent says fuck you Pittsburgh and more money, and chooses Detroit (taking a pay cut) which he feels has the best chance of winning the Cup this year.

Of course, the Pens this year beat the Wings and won, making Marian Hossa a two year Stanley Cup finals loser.

Fuck you Marian Hossa.

I just had my Windows Live and Yahoo Messengers race by running them at the same time.

YIM won.

I wish people would at least do a Google search before blindly forwarding stuff to others. I'm just as concerned as anyone about certain things, but honestly the stupid forwards are annoying as shit.

You know you're tired when you start thinking in the 3rd person.

Ever feel like you're one small thought away from figuring it all out?

Co-worker: “How tall are you?”

Me: “Five foot-six.”

Co-worker: “Wow, you’re short.”

Me: “Really? All my life I had been under the impression that I was really tall. Thank you for crushing my perception of reality.”

I'm also excited about the new Ghostbusters video game, and the talk of a third movie!

There's been a lot of revamps of old 80s stuff (Transformers, GI JOE, etc) so why not bring back a childhood favourite?

I got the best news the other day... One of my all time favourite games is getting a sequel! First it was Sam & Max that returned to the PC, and now the same people who brought us that game (Telltale Games) are making a new Monkey Island game! It's going to be in episode format, like Sam & Max.

But that's not all, they are also going to release the original game in a Special Edition... If you've never played Monkey Island, it's a classic 1990 LucasArts adventure game where you play as Guybrush Threewood on his quest to become a pirate and free his love Elaine Marley from the undead evil pirate LeChuck. It's hilarious.

Check out the news here.

I never thought I'd turn into such an aggressive driver. Don't get me wrong, I drive safely, I just have no patience for stupidity.