World Juniors Pre-Competition: Canada vs Sweden

Canada wins 4-1 against Sweden.

Another use for google.com: checking to see where the spaghetti sauce splattered on your screen.

I'm real proud of you for brushing your teeth at work, but was it really necessary to leave your gross toothpaste spit for all to see?

When calling a co-worker for a work related inquiry:

Me: "Hey how are you?"

Co-worker: "Busy. What do you want?"

With a response like that? For you to go fuck yourself, okay? Thanks.

Toronto Marlies vs Hamilton Bulldogs

Bulldogs beat Marlies 3-1.

Crash Test Dummies with Colleen Brown, October 14 2010

Colleen Brown

Crash Test Dummies

Ottawa Senators vs Montreal Canadiens

Canadiens beat the Sens 4-3.

Toronto Maple Leafs vs. Montreal Canadiens

The Canadiens lose 3-2 against the Leafs.

Every time I kill a fly, I yell out "FUCK YOU!" as a message to all of its brothers and sisters who have elluded me over the years.

Umbrellas are for kids and women.

Alice in Chains with the Deftones and Mastodon, September 18 2010

I know these are blurry as shit but it's a stupid cell phone camera so what do you expect...

Mastodon

Deftones

Alice in Chains

Alice in Chains

Hamilton Tiger-Cats vs Montreal Alouettes

The Alouettes beat the Tiger-Cats 27-6.

Disturbed with Avenged Sevenfold, Stone Sour and Halestorm (Uproar Festival), August 25 2010

Halestorm

Stone Sour

Avenged Sevenfold

Disturbed

Disturbed

Even long stories can be summarized in a few sentences.

Really, you're gonna use both the hand dryer AND the paper towels?

Me: "I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 3,465,252"

Co-worker: "69"

Me: "... Damn it."

Just For Laughs Toronto, July 8th 2010

Hosted by Demetri Martin.

Line up:

Tim Minchin

Harland Williams

Gabriel Iglesias

Elon Gold

Tommy Tiernan

Who's the 10th dentist that doesn't agree with the other 9? Seriously, can they not just kick him out, or bribe him? There's honestly a dentist out there that DOESN'T agree that brushing your teeth is good for you?

That's like 9 out of 10 doctors think you should take cough medicine for your sore throat. The 10th one thinks you should swallow a sword. But it's cool, he totally went to Carnival Medical School.

Happy Canada Day!

GO HABS GO! A little something I threw together in Photoshop...

Women + Hockey + Habs = AWESOME!

Does anyone else feel like listening to someone's dream is a waste of time. Don't get this confused with listening to someone's dreams as in hopes and ambitions, I mean someone who tells you about the fucked up dream they had last night.

Now if it's a hot chick who's telling you about this crazy sex dream her and her twin sister were having about you, then by all means ignore this rant. But if a co-worker starts blabbing about some dream they had of them running in a field of purple leprechaun faces while wearing Edward from Twilight's face as a mask and having the body of Big Bird, does anyone really give a shit? I mean saying "dude, I had a fucked up dream last night" is fine, but tell me about a REAL life experience instead of some long drawn out recounting of "I was in my house but not really because the living room was my grandma's old house but we were really in the shed and suddenly Alec Baldwin was there but he was my dad and he had long banana fingers and kept trying to diddle me with them."

Seriously, I don't give a shit. No one else does. I always tune out when someone tells me about their boring ass dream.

So there's an ad in French for McDonald's breakfast burrito where a dude in a Mexican accent goes "Aye aye ya my nicest creation"

Really? A fucking $3 breakfast burrito is your nicest creation? What the fuck?

Grumpy female co-worker: "Mmm, the raisin bran muffin they have upstairs are really good today."

Me: "Yeah, and it'll keep you regular."

Grumpy female co-worker: "..."

Notice to the person "singing" (I use the term very VERY loosely) in the cubicle near me: either fucking sing or shut the fuck up, but enough of the ear-grating, cringe-worthy, high pitched squealing.

There's something stupid about writing "I forgot to mention" since you're the one who controls when you submit your text entry (or e-mail or whatever), you didn't forget to mention anything really. Just go back and change your shit before you send it. It's not like an actual conversation where you can't go back to edit what you said.

Douche.

Is anyone else seeing that this whole recent media Toyota bashing is a ploy by the American car industry to try to regain some market share since most people realize that Toyotas, Hondas, etc are better cars?

Hahahaha

Q-Bert (1984)

One of the few popular educational titles. It provided perfect training for life: you spend all your time doing and undoing pointless things simply because someone told you to, one wrong step and you'll ruin everything, and other people will devote themselves to undoing even your thankless task for no other reason than they can.

from: http://www.cracked.com/funny-4233-atari-2600/

http://dilbert.com/fast/2010-02-28/

If you say something like "well, it's simple but it's not" then you're an idiot.

Haha, you thought I was going to say "you're an idiot but you're not" eh? Well I didn't, because you really are an idiot.

Wow, you're really annoying.

Urbandictionary.com entry for 'Daniel'
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=daniel

I've taken the liberty to bold the more relevant information:

This is a difficult name to define because it defies many boundaries of human perception, let alone various languages. One of the closest translations that experts give is God or many other variations of that general idea.

Other definitions are thought to be:

Tao
Chi
The Great Spirit
Chuck Norris
Energy
Infinity
Sublime
ect

Despite the fact that various names have been pinned to Daniel, its seems that all of the above examples (including that of God) cannot even withstand the magnitude of Daniel.
The reason this name continues to elude even the brightest of human minds is that the idea of Daniel cannot possibly exist in a dimensional state. Daniel is so powerful, it defies all laws of this or any other universe. Recent studies have shown that people who have attempted to comprehend this name have either disappeared, died spontaneously, or driven themselves into a pertinent state of insanity and/or catatonia. One common belief is that Daniel is possibly the grounds on which everything and nothing is based. It seems to surpass the idea of infinity. Quantum physicists report that this Daniel is Everything and Nothing. It or He is said to have unexplainable connections with the String and Superstring Theories as Daniel resonates within every single layer of the multi-dimensional complex and yet still exists beyond that point which is where scientists have lost the trail. Various theologists and spiritual leaders believe that Daniel is one who is, as they say, "The Answer".

All attempts to understand this idea of Daniel have failed.

I hate people who stay in a shared spreadsheet and then go on break or lunch. Way to be a team player, douche.

I also hate waiting for help in an empty store. I was at SportChek this weekend to look for new shoes. I spent 5 minutes going up and down the shoe wall and no one assisted me so I walked out. Fuck 'em, I'll go somewhere else.

Way to go Canada!

I hate Ilya Kovalchuk.

From Don Waddell, GM of the Trashers: ""Ultimately, we offered [Kovalchuk] more than $101 million over 12 years, which would have been the highest contract signed by an impending unrestricted free agent in the history of the league. If accepted, this contract would have been the second highest offer ever to any NHL player. We also met his desire to be the highest paid player based on average annual salary with a separate offer of 7 years at $10M per year ($70M). This offer is $0.5M higher per year than any other player." --- Wow, talk about a greedy player, especially for someone who yes, scores a lot of goals but plays without heart if you ask me. I doubt he'll stay with the Devils.

What a fucking douche bag.

me: Okay it's hard for me to just say this

I do want to ask you something

but promise you won't freak out

Do you want to go to the prom together?

Liam: !!!!!

I thought you'd never ask!!!!

me: squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Liam: the answer is no

me: Hahaha

Prom FAIL

I'm blogging this.

Liam: hehehe

I'll tweet it