You know when you have this feeling you really really REALLY shouldn't say or do something but you still go against all of your screaming internal voices and instincts and still go ahead and fuuuuuuuuucking say it?

Sometimes I look up to the heavens, wish for the clouds to part and for a giant meteorite to crash down on Earth and strike me where I stand, pulverizing me instantly and putting me out of my misery.

Je m'ennuie de Montréal. A chaque fois que je reviens d'une visite au Québec, ça me donne le gout d'y retourner.

You know, to add to my previous post, don't fucking call out my name and then when I respond ignore me completely and do something else and then call out my name again just as I go back to my work.

If I hear one more person today keep saying "what?" after I repeat something three times because they aren't paying attention, I'm likely to rip their arms off and beat them to death with them.

I find myself waiting a lot. This could be problematic for two reasons:

1) What if I keep waiting and waiting and whatever I am waiting for never comes.
2) What the fuck am I waiting for, and will I know when it finally shows up?

No alarms and no surprises, please.

"It's probably for the best" sounds more like trying to convince yourself then a true observation of the situation.

Maybe I should start following this advice.

Life really has a way of fucking with you sometimes, doesn't it?

Life isn't fair. I think we all understand this and all realize this eventually. But it makes you wonder where we got the idea that it would be, or that it should be. Maybe it's also the fact of what we consider fair. Life should be fair is a pretty broad statement. You could argue that until you're dead, life has been fair since you know, you're still alive.

I don't think our parents gave us the impression that life would be fair, meaning I don't fault them for that. Even if you have good parents, you realize pretty quickly that they had to go through some serious shit to get to where they are now.

So what makes it that we take a look back and realize that shit just happens constantly in our lives? I know as a person I always try to do what's right, what's fair, what's nice. You know, Karma and all that stuff. But does Karma really exist? If it really did, only mean people would get cancer, right? We all know that isn't the case.

Maybe it's Hollywood's fault? You know, things always seem to end up okay at the end of the movie. Divorced parents get back together, the guy gets the girl, they win the big game, they save the planet, etc... You know, Hollywood bullshit.

At what point do we set happiness and life expectations for ourselves? How do we decide that we haven't reached our full potential, that we haven't gotten to the best point in our life? Do we ever really get to that point?

I sometimes wonder if this is as good as it gets.

We pretty much have the idea in life that it goes up, you "plateau" and then it goes downhill. So when do we actually reach this so called plateau? Should we even waste time thinking about trying to find that sweet spot where life is so wonderful? What if there really isn't any sweet spot, and it's just an uphill battle until finally you're laying in bed in a smelly hospital thinking why did I waste my time trying to work my way to something that doesn't exist?

Another question we probably should ask ourselves is how do we learn to appreciate fully the things we take for granted. You can show me a million pictures of starving little kids, if they fuck up my order at McDonald's, I'll still be pissed. Does the fact that we are alway striving for something better blind us to how good we have it now?

Wow I haven't done the blog thing in a while, and I haven't written an opinion post since my last little rant about respect and there's a reason for that.

I was thinking that the funny thing about a blog is that you feel inclined to write personal stuff, which is normal since this is a personal blog, yet sometimes you don't want to get too personal because you never know who's stopping by to take a peek. It's a weird thing about the internet where you want to share your personal experiences and opinions yet you never know who is seeing them and how it can affect your past, current and future relationships. I've gone through my blog twice now to erase complete passages and posts about specific events in my life, only for the fact that it has helped me move ahead and stop thinking too much about what was and what might have been. Will I ever regret tampering with my blogging past? I seriously doubt it.

You see, even though those events are my past and helped shape who I am I'd like to think that my whole blog is who I am now as well. Okay so there's a lot of immature, stupid shit on here but that is also a part of me. I'd like to think there's also some deep, smart stuff in here too.

In the end, I don't set too much importance in this blog, yet it is obviously important enough for me to add to it every once in a while and I enjoy it.

That's got to count for something, right?

I'm going to sound like a huge fanboy but I don't give a fuck. Metallica is fucking cool. The new album is coming out this year and I've been watching some videos from the Meet & Greets they have had so far this year (yeah, I'm part of the fan club) and those guys are just really down to earth and really fucking cool to their fans.

I can't wait to see them in concert again.

I'm madly in anger with you.

Toronto Blue Jays vs Atlanta Braves

The Jays get crushed 10-2 by the Braves.

I've come to the conclusion that I am simply ridiculous!

I consider myself a respectful person. I will hold the door for someone, I will chew with my mouth closed in public and I will say please and thank you. I will turn off my cell phone in the movie theatre and if a car is trying to change lanes in front of me I will let them through.

But those are just small random acts of kindness. They are minor annoyances at best. It is something ‘nice’. The dictionary would define this as ‘…to show regard or consideration for someone...”

But respect is more than that. It is accepting someone important to you, someone you respect. Again, the dictionary will define it as “…deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment…”

So basically I respect you so I will do this for you, or explain this to you. Or, you deserve to know why I did this. Or, I will or won’t do this because I respect you. Or, my favourite, I respect you so I will put up with your bullshit.

But doesn’t that all go out the window when it comes to what ‘you’ want? Where does respect for others come in when it is something you really ‘need’ to do? At what point do you sacrifice self-happiness for respect? At what point do you start thinking about yourself first?

Because in the end, doesn’t all come down to you? We only live once and we only live one life, our own. Don’t we ‘respect’ people simply because in the end it is self serving? You make people happy by respecting them, which in turn makes them like you, which then makes you happy. This is where we like to say “I have to respect myself too” which is another way of saying “fuck this, I’m thinking about me”.

My point is that you can’t rely on respect. Respect is important but it isn’t all powerful.

People in the end will think about themselves first, no matter what.

No remorse, no repent.

I wonder how many times this has been blogged but...

Everything happens for a reason.

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers."

- Randal Graves (Jeff Anderson) in Clerk (1994)