If someone says "I remember now that you say it"... That means they didn't fucking remember it in the first place.

"Don't 'just think' — that's an extremely unattractive trait of your generation."

Kevin Smith (@ThatKevinSmith) favourited one of my tweets. My life is complete... Kinda.

Okay, I have lots more I want to accomplish but that's still pretty cool.

Norm MacDonald, October 19th 2012

I saw Norm MacDonald live at the Queen Elizabeth theatre in Toronto. Hilarious, as usual. This was my second time seeing him and he just killed it. We laughed the whole time, which is great since we were at a comedy show.

Follow Norm on Twitter (super funny tweets: @normmacdonald) and his web site: http://normmacdonald.com/

Rebecca Kohler (@becca_kohler) opened up for him and she did a great job.

Tweet back from former NHL tough guy Georges Laraque. Right on. 

Another Dan Says comic strip by Greg (check out his site at www.fakenation.com)

Toronto Blue Jays vs Baltimore Orioles

The Blue Jays lose 4-0 to the Orioles. Entertaining game anyways, with free seats really close to the field and a truly perfect weather day for a ball game.

Oh and bonus: Kristin Kreuk threw the ceremonial first pitch.

Aziz Ansari, July 7th 2012

Aziz Ansari (@azizansari) who plays Tom in Parks and Recreation was hilarious at the Sony Centre in Toronto. I especially liked "I am not doing Celebrity Ghost Stories because... I've never seen a ghost!". The vegan joke too was pretty solid with "Oh you don't want to hurt the little animals...But you're fine with the immigrants picking your vegetables. You don't care about them only because they have no fur!".

Opening act Chelsea Peretti (@ChelseaVPeretti) killed it too.

I'm surprised that people confusing "your" and "you're" still annoys the shit out of me.

I am a cartoon now courtesy of Greg (www.fakenation.com).
The premise of this is that I posted on Facebook for people to stop whining about the heat and this was his retort.

The one OK chick in the group that suddenly gets hit on by all the guys because she's the best there is at the time:

It's like when a seagull picks up a scrap of garbage and all the other seagulls mob it because they think it's delicious food.

Toronto Blue Jays vs New York Mets

Jays lose 6-5 against the Mets in interleague play. Still a great game with a home run by Bautista and a good comeback attempt. Over 40,000 came out to an open domed Rogers Centre.

So I was looking at the trailer for Bob Dylan's movie called "Don't Look Back" and I had to take a screenshot of this because it's so awesome.

Even Bob Dylan thinks you FAIL.

Toronto Rock vs Rochester Knighthawks

The Rock lose 17-13 to the Knighthawks on what wasn't goalie Nick Rose's best game to end their playoff hopes for 2012.

On a good note, I did get seat upgrades from Maddogg (haha) from Virgin Radio 99.9 (which I never listen to) because we were at the Jack Astor's pre-game event. Not bad, not bad at all.

Bonus pic: Cheerleaders! (@Rock_Cheer)

http://torontorock.com/

Congratulations are in order to the guy at work who married his own bowel movement. That's the only explanation I have for him leaving about fifty little pieces of toilet paper confetti sprinkled all around the stall in celebration.

People are so fucking gross.

Toronto Rock vs Buffalo Bandits

The Toronto Rock win the first game of the 2012 NLL playoffs by beating the Buffalo Bandits by a score of 7-6 after being down 0-4 in the first quarter. What a great come back game!

http://www.torontorock.com/

Spoiler Alert: if you send all of your emails to me as urgent (even when they aren't), I'm going to ignore the urgency of all of your emails because obviously you don't understand the basic concept of when something is urgent and when it is not.

Toronto Blue Jays vs Seattle Mariners

The Jays crush the Seattle Mariners 7-0 in part thanks to great pitching from Brandon Morrow and a grand slam by Edwin Encarnacion. We had great (free) tickets right by third base in section 116.

WTF is this planking bullshit. I don't think I've ever seen anything dumber in my whole life.

Someone just posted on Facebook that their dog died but 5 minutes before had a "Create Your Own Tim Horton's Cup" post.

Nothing helps mourning a loved family pet like a big ol' cup of double-double coffee.