Certain allergies are the worst, and not just because of the health implication but because of what it does to your self confidence. Take for example the peanut allergy. We’re taking about something smaller than a cockroach having the potential to end your life. You couldn’t even kill me if you made a bullet out of a peanut and shot it at my forehead, but if you’re allergic you take one small bite and ugh, game over. It’s a little hard to be all manly and tough when someone can keep you at bay with a Reese’s Pieces.

If the candy companies were smart, they’d get in league with the government and get all of the child molesters to be infused with a peanut allergy. This way kids would be encouraged to walk around with peanut products and keep the sexual predators away. It’s safe and helps the economy.

Not a sexual predator.