Please move your giant horse nostrils away from the phone receiver when you call me.

Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

Toronto Blue Jays vs Pittsburgh Pirates

The Jays lose 6-2 to the Pirates.

Hamilton Tiger-Cats vs Montreal Alouettes

The Ti-Cats crush the Als in pre-season 57-20.

And now, an exert from my yearly work review, under Health and Safety:

Self: I operate my daily life with cool and calculated movements and actions that do not threaten mine or anyone else's safety and/or health.

Employer Comments: Daniel meets the requirements of this competency.

Pot Lucks: the cure for constipation!

Congratulations, in the span of an hour long concert, you managed to take 562 pictures and annoy every single person standing behind you.

Seether with Bleeker Ridge, May 26 2011

Bleeker Ridge

Seether

Also, sometimes I feel that astrology is used by people to justify being cunts.

I think that anyone who isn't at a peace rally that flashes the peace sign in a picture should be banned from being photographed for one year.

I hate the fact that when I google Pauly Shore, I get Pauly D from Jershey Shore in my results.

Toronto Rock vs Washington Stealth

http://www.torontorock.com/article/rock-win-6th-championship

Toronto Rock win NLL championship 8-7!

Someone told me today: "I always tell people to never piss off the redhead [referring to herself]".

Newsflash: You'd still be a bitch even if you dyed your hair.

Toronto Blue Jays vs Detroit Tigers

The Jays get crushed 9-0 with Detroit Tigers' Justin Verlander getting a no-hitter.

Toronto Rock vs Rochester Knighthawks

The Toronto Rock beat Rochester 10-8 (playoff game)

Oh Snopes.com, how I wish that the mindless dick bags who forward me chain letters had checked you first so I wouldn't have to ridicule them so badly in front of everyone.

Death Track Dolls vs Smoke City Betties

‎115-62 for the Death Track Dolls

http://www.deathtrackdolls.com/

http://www.smokecitybetties.com/

Holy shit, this is so true.


"I've linked my Twitter account so if you're already following me on Twitter, you can see the same post twice, only I won't log into Facebook to acknowledge your comments. I'll also use Twitter syntax even though it doesn't belong on Facebook. #LOL #TwitterOnFacebook #HashtagJokes"


Source: http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=af11

Talking about the weather: saving me from awkward silences and conversations since 1982 (yes, I talked about the weather when I was 2 years old).

Toronto Blue Jays vs Minnesota Twins

Jays lose 4-3 to the Twins

(and I don't get one of the 10,000 José Bautista bobbleheads!)