Thursday, August 31, 2006

Wow, I just rediscovered this song... Downloaded a killer acoustic version of this song that just rocks so much. Awesome musically and the lyrics, well they are kind of meaningful too...

"The Dolphin's Cry"
by Live

The way you're bathed in light
Reminds me of that night
God laid me down into your rose garden of trust
And I was swept away
With nothin' left to say
Some helpless fool,
Yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace
You're all I need to find
So when the time is right
Come to me sweetly, come to me
Come to me...

Love will lead us, alright
Love will lead us, she will lead us
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?
See the road rise up to meet us
It's in the air we breathe tonight
Love will lead us, she will lead us

Oh yeah, we meet again
It's like we never left
Time in between was just a dream
Did we leave this place?
This crazy fog surrounds me
You wrap your legs around me
All I can do to try and breathe
Let me breathe so that I
So we can go together!

Love will lead us, alright
Love will lead us, she will lead us
Can you hear the dolphin's cry?
See the road rise up to meet us
It's in the air we breathe tonight
Love will lead us, she will lead us

Life is like a shooting star
It don't matter who you are
If you only run for cover,
It's just a waste of time
We are lost until we are found
This phoenix rises up from the ground
And all these wars are over
Come to me

Love will lead us.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Okay so I needed to go take a piss at work today and something peculiar happened that I thought I'd share.

For some reason, in men's washrooms, some guys decide to spit out their gum in the urinals instead of the garbage. It's really gross and inconsiderate to the people who have to clean it up but it is what it is.

So anyways, as I was standing there relieving myself, I glanced down (to make sure my aim was true) and there, in the middle of the urinal, was a chunk of chewed up gum as big as a motherfucking golf ball.

So it dawned on me, a great pearl of wisdom:

No one needs to chew that much gum.

Foo Fighters Acoustic Tour, August 23rd 2006

The pictures aren't the greatest quality but it gives you a good sense never the less.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Yes I am stricken and can't let you go...

Into the abyss will I run.

Friday, August 25, 2006

"No one gives a fuck about the quotes in one's blog but the author."


Thursday, August 24, 2006

How The Gillette Fusion Saved My Life

The comfort of five blades, the precision of one and the lethal potential of none.

I was shaving today, as I do every second day. I've been shaving for many years and could probably count on one hand the number of times I've actually cut myself (usually little nicks happen before special occasions so I can really look like a dumb ass). I'm really that good.

So anyways, as usual I'm applying the shaving cream, acting real cool checking myself out in the mirror. A bit of hot water on the razor and we're off.

Enter: tragedy.

In a moment of weakened dexterity, the handle slips in my foam covered fingers and, coming down sideways in a powerful motion, the top of the razor moves across my neck, over my jugular.

The razor falls from my fingers as I clutch for my neck. With my eyes shut tightly, I can feel the warm liquid pouring out of me and my life virtually flashes before my eyes; This is it, I'm done for.

After endless seconds, I open one of my eyes to inspect the damage:

I've escaped unscathed.

A bit of water pours from my fingers, but there isn't so much as a shaving rash on my neck. The protective casing of the five razor blades has saved my life. Instead of laying in a pool of my own blood, I'm giggling and splashing water onto my face.
Thank you Gillette Fusion, I knew there was a reason I paid fucking fifteen bucks for you.

The hardest question to answer is "why?".

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

This scene just made the movie 40 Year Old Virgin one of the funniest movies. Ever.

Monday, August 21, 2006

'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

I think it's hilarious that some homeless dude is going to find my left overs from the restaurant and a printed copy of "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu.

Saturday, August 19, 2006


Thursday, August 17, 2006

I've been in zombie-mode for the last few days so to keep up with my fucked up personality, even in serious situations:

Monday, August 14, 2006

Lay beside me
Tell me what they've done
Speak the words I wanna hear
To make my demons run

The door is locked now
But it's open if you're true
If you can understand the me

Then I can understand the you

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Everything in my life is lining up nicely and I'm starting to think about my future somewhat.

So why does it feel like such an uphill battle?

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Okay keeping up with my recent ranting, I fucking hate when you go out to a restaurant, order an appetizer and before you finish it, they bring out your main course.

See the dilemma is that if you stop eating your appetizer in order to move on to your main meal, you paid all that money for nothing. If you don't sacrifice your appetizer to the Anxious Waitress Goddess, then your main dish gets cold and tastes like shit. So then in order for this not to happen, you start wolfing down the rest of your appetizer, eating way too fast, ruining your digestive pace. It's a lose-lose situation. You don't just pay for the food, you pay for the spot to relax and enjoy a meal.

I mean they have those heating lamps in the kitchen, just fucking wait a few minutes until I'm done.

It's really not that complicated.

Dan says:
Even if I go lay down to wait for her call, I'll just cradle my cell phone like a new born kitten while awaiting for its purring to arouse me from my dream-like state...

Michele says:
*makes gagging noises*

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

If you see your display pic above, you may be lame.
Instant Messaging 101: Default pictures suck
They are so easy to change and replace too. Even some lame loving crap is better than that fucking duck. I'd like to use a magnifying glass and the power of the sun on it's forehead. That kid on the skateboard needs to fall flat on his face and don't get me started on the fucking space rocket (you've never gotten laid if you have the rocket as your display pic... Don't lie, you really haven't).
One easy fucking step: Tools > Change Display Picture.
Okay so now you're saying "But Dan, I don't have a picture to replace it with!". No problem: and click on Images. As long as you don't type in Gilby Clarke (see previous entry) then the cyber sky is the limit. Pick something cool, pick something lame... JUST PICK SOMETHING!
Stay tuned for next week where we will discuss changing fonts.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Gilby Clarke must immediately die from the entertainment world.

Saturday, August 05, 2006


Friday, August 04, 2006

File this one in the Weird Body Tricks section...

Licking your own elbow, physically impossible right?


My arms are proportioned to my body.

This picture has not been modified to fit your TV screen.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, you own it. If it doesn't, you don't own it. And if it doesn't, you're an asshole."

- Bubbles,
Trailer Park Boys TV Show