Thursday, December 31, 2009

Gas duster, also known as canned air, is much more effective if you use short bursts instead of holding on to the stupid trigger, using it all up and not leaving any of it for anyone else in the office, douche.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I think I'm one of the only people I know who treats a chat conversation as a real actual conversation. Maybe I'm too courteous but I usually always put 'brb' if I step away from the keyboard and if someone is talking to me, I usually try to respond somewhat promptly.

Meh, maybe it's just me.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Skindred with Russian Roulette and Mudmen, December 16th 2009

Thursday, December 03, 2009

I want to leave this voice mail message on every single voice mail I ever call for the rest of my life:

"Hey, it's, uh, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Um, can you please, uh, take your name off your phone. My wife went through my phone. And, uh, may be calling you. If you can, please take your name off that and, um, and what do you call it just have it as a number on the voice mail, just have it as your telephone number. That's it, OK. You gotta do this for me. Huge. Quickly. All right. Bye."

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Yes chivalry is dead, but it's because women killed it.

Saturday, November 07, 2009

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Montreal Canadiens vs New York Rangers

Habs beat the Rangers 5-4 in OT with a hat trick from Michael Cammalleri.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

A guy at work who constantly is picking at his crotch and digging up his nose just used a paper towel to hold the door of the washroom open for him to walk out of.

[Edit: I just realized that this is my second post in a row that mentions paper towels. I guess it's a new obsession of mine?]

Friday, September 11, 2009

Seriously, there seems to be a huge absorbtion war going on between paper towel companies these days and I'm not really sure why. I don't need to suck up a fucking pool of liquids with one piece, and I don't need it to be tough enough for me to carry a baby across the city without ripping afterwards. Fancy designs won't help me pick up dog shit any easier. Who's sitting around testing and creating these things? Fucking scientists? Is paper towel diversity that crucial to us all?

It's really not a big deal to me if I have to use a few more paper towels to wipe my counter.

Monday, August 17, 2009

A few driving tips:

- Don't hit the breaks when you're changing lanes on the highway.
- Go at least the speed limit. Seriously.
- Don't drive like a douche if you're on your cell.
- When you have the advance turn, pay attention and go.
- Don't be stupid and don't crash into me.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

My nephew Eryk was born at 3:18 on July 28th 2009.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

This is probably one of the funniest spelling errors I've ever read on the Internet: the person wrote "QAWINSADINCADENTLY" when trying to spell "coincidentally".

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Certain allergies are the worst, and not just because of the health implication but because of what it does to your self confidence. Take for example the peanut allergy. We’re taking about something smaller than a cockroach having the potential to end your life. You couldn’t even kill me if you made a bullet out of a peanut and shot it at my forehead, but if you’re allergic you take one small bite and ugh, game over. It’s a little hard to be all manly and tough when someone can keep you at bay with a Reese’s Pieces.

If the candy companies were smart, they’d get in league with the government and get all of the child molesters to be infused with a peanut allergy. This way kids would be encouraged to walk around with peanut products and keep the sexual predators away. It’s safe and helps the economy.

Not a sexual predator.

Friday, July 17, 2009

It really annoys me when I receive a Word document that is one page, but the sender has left a 2nd blank page. It’s really not that hard to go to the second page and delete the blank spots. It actually makes me laugh when these documents are sent from higher up in the company. It’s Microsoft Word people, it’s not that hard to figure out.

If you do this, you're quite possibly a douche.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Holy fuck, Left 4 Dead is so much fun.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I took this picture.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

How can such a tiny papercut hurt so friggin' much?!

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Happy Canada Day

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

If you work in a store or restaurant and do credit or debit card transactions, please don't bend my card to shit when swiping it. I really hate having to go to the bank and get a new one. Take it easy.

Oh and the little chip in my Visa means I enter a PIN number and don't need to sign the receipt anymore.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

If you were to say “it goes without saying”, then don’t fucking say it.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I really hate people who leave me a really long voicemail, then e-mail me the same information, then call me and tell me the same information AND then come see me at my desk and come tell me the same information. Seriously, it's a huge waste of fucking time.

Speaking of voicemails, it's not an interactive thing, so don't go on about stuff that requires my responses trying to guess what I would say. If you're going to do that, just answer your own fucking question and leave me alone. All you need to do is say "Hey call me back regarding this". I don't care what time it is, I have fucking time stamp on my voicemail. And don't leave me a voicemail AND an e-mail. Do one or the other. If I haven't replied yet, I'm too fucking busy to answer or you're just a dumb ass and not worth my time and energy.

Also, your voicemail message is probably too long. Yes, yours. It's too long and it's annoying. Just say "Hi, it's , leave a message". I don't give a fuck about some long song, I know I have to leave you my name and shit, and you don't need the time of my call because this is 2009 and the fucking voicemail message system will goddamn tell you what time I called. Seriously.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

In the department of the least shocking news ever, Jon and Kate have announced that they are seperating, (but of course continuing their high paying TV show).

So anyways, I came up with a few names for the show now:

Jon and Kate seper8
John and Kate altern8
Kate Plus 8 minus Jon
and my favourite: Kate plus 8 and Jon every second weekend

So forget about a 'Team Jon' or a 'Team Kate' t-shirt, I'm getting a 'Team Plus 8' shirt because those kids are gonna be fucked.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Don't play with the big boys if you can't hold the ball.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I'm trying to write a novel. I know, it's a huge undertaking and I'm not sure I'm good enough a writer to pull it off, nor do I know if I have the motivation or ideas to see a novel from beginning to end. In fact, I wrote 2 pages like a year ago and only now added one or two more. The thing is, it was really easy to get back into the story, which is what gives me hope that I may actually be able to do this.

I'm not even thinking of being published or anything like that, I have way too long of a road to go before even considering that a possibility.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Some tattoo artists just make me laugh. Don’t get me wrong, I respect the fact that it’s a cool job and it’s probably not easy. You have to be artistic, have steady hands, pay careful attention to details and all that stuff, but honestly some of these tattoo artists really think they are more important than they really are. A tattoo is a not a crucial thing to get, so stop acting like you’re surgeon and you’re saving lives. The $10 caricature guy at the circus is very artistic too but he doesn’t act like a pompous asshole.

This reminds me of tow truck drivers. Yes, I’m glad you’re there to pull my car out of the ditch and I’m glad you’re there when I get a flat. But in the end I am paying you to do shit I don’t feel like doing myself. There’s no need to trick out your little tow truck and think you’re King Shit.

And lastly: cab drivers. Hang an air freshener in your car, take a shower and learn how to fucking drive. Nobody likes you.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The elaborate ways people try to justify their own stupidity amuses me to no end.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

So the Penguins win the Stanley Cup. Meh, whatever.

The only thing that makes me laugh is Marian Hossa. You see, Marian Hossa last year was with the Penguins and made it all the way to the Stanley Cup finals where they lost to... The Detroit Red Wings. So in the off season, Marian being a free agent says fuck you Pittsburgh and more money, and chooses Detroit (taking a pay cut) which he feels has the best chance of winning the Cup this year.

Of course, the Pens this year beat the Wings and won, making Marian Hossa a two year Stanley Cup finals loser.

Fuck you Marian Hossa.

Friday, June 12, 2009

I just had my Windows Live and Yahoo Messengers race by running them at the same time.

YIM won.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

I wish people would at least do a Google search before blindly forwarding stuff to others. I'm just as concerned as anyone about certain things, but honestly the stupid forwards are annoying as shit.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

You know you're tired when you start thinking in the 3rd person.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Ever feel like you're one small thought away from figuring it all out?

Monday, June 08, 2009

Co-worker: “How tall are you?”

Me: “Five foot-six.”

Co-worker: “Wow, you’re short.”

Me: “Really? All my life I had been under the impression that I was really tall. Thank you for crushing my perception of reality.”

Saturday, June 06, 2009

I'm also excited about the new Ghostbusters video game, and the talk of a third movie!

There's been a lot of revamps of old 80s stuff (Transformers, GI JOE, etc) so why not bring back a childhood favourite?

Friday, June 05, 2009

I got the best news the other day... One of my all time favourite games is getting a sequel! First it was Sam & Max that returned to the PC, and now the same people who brought us that game (Telltale Games) are making a new Monkey Island game! It's going to be in episode format, like Sam & Max.

But that's not all, they are also going to release the original game in a Special Edition... If you've never played Monkey Island, it's a classic 1990 LucasArts adventure game where you play as Guybrush Threewood on his quest to become a pirate and free his love Elaine Marley from the undead evil pirate LeChuck. It's hilarious.

Check out the news here.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

I never thought I'd turn into such an aggressive driver. Don't get me wrong, I drive safely, I just have no patience for stupidity.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I like Twitter because it takes up exactly 5 minutes of my day keeping up to date on it.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Please excuse the geek moment I am about to have:

I just watched the movie Fanboys and it reminded me that yeah, Star Wars Episode I was far from the best movie I've ever seen, but the shivers down my spine when I first saw the teaser and the trailer, the waiting in line, and the pure emotions and relentless anticipation have not been matched by any movie since... 

And probably never will.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Norm MacDonald, April 18th 2009

Comedian Norm MacDonald

Friday, March 20, 2009

I'm not even keeping up with my pattern of one post a month. I blame my Xbox 360 and those damn achievements.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Friday, January 30, 2009

It's a glorious day for my arm pits. After years of thinking that anti-perspirant was bad for you and causes Alzheimer’s and only using deodorant (which would often irritate my skin due to the perfumes in them), I have now found that the anti-perspirant is actually not bad for you.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

New Year's Eve is the dumbest, most retarded and useless event of them all.